I was raised in a family of lawyers: my mother's father a lawyer, my father's father was a lawyer. He had six sons, five of them became lawyers. They started a firm. The path was laid out for me, corner office somewhat of a guarantee, but I was not interested. I tried it out, interning in the summer, but the office setting didn’t sit right with me. It was too cold, too clinical. Even though the work was interesting and important, it wasn’t for me.
“SO, YOU WANT TO BE POOR?”
I told my father I wanted to be a writer. His immediate retort was, “So, you want to be poor?” I was sassy—still am. I said I didn’t care. I was young then, still living under his roof, I didn’t understand what that meant (I eventually got a taste of it but I still do not entirely agree). I’m not sure what my father wanted to be as a child. He is a great orator, very charismatic. He could have been a great actor but I don’t think he would have dared to dream. Money was on his mind. He grew up with very little and didn’t want his children to suffer in the ways he suffered. He was scared for me and my big dreams and encouraged me to pursue the academic route, the tried and true.
Looking back, I do not hold this against him. Becoming an artist is a risk. There is no linear path. You don’t go to school, get a few degrees and slide into a position making six figures. You learn some things and then you float around, bobbing like a balloon without helium, floating this way and that, running into some scary things, until you either pop, or land in a safe space—that is, you find a space for yourself in the market with longevity that needs you. It is uncertain, unforgiving and not for the faint of heart.
I DID NOT WANT TO BE POOR
Off to school I went and earned a degree, as I was encouraged to do, my concentration in communications and broadcasting, the theater major’s proper cousin. I received top marks, graduating with honors. I had an impressive resume with three internships under my belt. I was ready to dominate the industry in a very reasonable, responsible way. Of course, once I landed a job working for a talent manager in Hollywood, I quickly realized a desk job is a desk job and I didn’t want to show up there every day. I hated “the office.” Nothing creative was happening anywhere around me. The scripts I read were boring. The talent was no more talented than I thought I was at the time and everyone was grumpy. I was already so far away from home, no longer near anyone I thought I needed to answer to at the time, so I took the risk: I got off the ladder and quit the corporate route. I got a job at a steakhouse on Sunset Boulevard, met some amazingly courageous people who introduced me to The Artist’s Way—a twelve week program that re-programmed the way I viewed myself and my relationship to what I really wanted in my life, and the rest was history.
The BOOK THAT CHANGED IT ALL
The Artist’s Way gave me the most important thing in the world: the power to give myself permission to pursue my dreams. It severed my programmed desire to please my family. I might have chosen to go to school for acting had I read this book in high school, but that was not my journey. Wisdom confirms what you know through struggle. I had to take the lousy job, I had to see how unhappy it would make me to figure out what I truly wanted.
YOU WILL FAIL
Should you decide to give yourself the permission and give your dreams a try, please know that failure is inevitable. If you’re putting yourself out there, if you’re really trying, and doing what is uncomfortable, you will fail. The most important thing you can do is get back in the ring after a knockout. You cannot possibly win if you’re not in the fight. Self-doubt is the most difficult and common battle for artists. I have yet to meet a writer, actor, comedian, photographer, or painter that hasn’t at one point, threatened to abandon their craft. Don’t. Keep trying. It’s important to be positive and inspired, and stay positive and inspired.
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
Surround yourself with positive people that support your dream. The last thing you need is someone telling you you're crazy, or whatever you're doing won't work. Chances are the naysayer is projecting their own insecurities onto you. What you're doing takes courage and they're intimidated. Keep your dreams close to your heart, only share them with the people who love you because of your courage and willingness to fail not despite it. Other people’s permission is useless. Even if they give it to you, you still have to do the work, and remember, you're not pursuing art to prove anything to anyone, you're doing it because you love it.
6 Books to help you stay in the ring
I always have a self-helpy, woo-woo, or how-to book on the nightstand to keep my head in the game. Here are some that have helped keep me motivated and fight off self doubt.
*Titles are links to Amazon. If you are able, please buy from your local, independent bookstore
1. The Artist Way – Julia Cameron
Please, Dear God, read and do the work in this book. When I say it changed my life, I'm not kidding. I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog, working on my second novel. I wouldn't have ever gotten to know what it was like to perform stand up on stage at The Comedy Store, or put together an amazing show with a very talented group of comedians at Second City. I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun in my life if I didn't learn from this woman know that it was okay to have fun, to "follow your bliss". To this day I still go on artist dates and write in my journal daily.
2. Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert
I love Elizabeth Gilbert. I loved her when she shared her adventures in Eat, Pray, Love. I read her book Committed before deciding marriage was not totally antiquated—yet. And I read Big Magic when my inner artist needed a kick in the pants. Creativity is hard to understand. How do we get inspired? Where do our ideas come from? She has some interesting answers. I love that she debunks the "tortured artist" myth. We can be happy and create meaningful art. I always feel warm and fuzzy reading Elizabeth Gilbert. She makes this whole process feel like magic.
If you like her books, I suggest her podcast Magic Lessons where she takes aspiring artists and matches them with successful, famous artist. We listen as a mini mentorships unfold. Her voice is so soothing! Give it a listen.
3. You Are a Badass – Jen Sincero
If you're scared of self-helpy, life building books, this one is for you. Jen Sincero has a no B.S. approach, leaning on her foul-mouth to connect with not so easily convinced readers. I've heard these principles before, but it was nice to be reminded in her fresh voice.
A couple of other books like it that helped open me up to the concept of "vibration", and "you get what you put out there" kind of thing, are Wayne Dyer's Manifest your Destiny and Esther and Jerry Hick's Ask and It Is Given. Unlike Sincero, the concepts are pretty woo-woo. The spiritual language might turn you off at first, but if you apply these whimsical principles to logic, it makes sense. It all goes back to playing soccer as a child, if you can't imagine the soccer ball going into the goal, how are you going to get it in there? You have to know what you're aiming for and you need to be excited about it. On a macro level, It's important to be completely and totally aware of your motivations, a.k.a. lose the ego, gain the world.
4. The War of Art – Steven Pressfield
An incredibly succinct (sometimes one sentence per page succinct), no nonsense approach to breaking down your creative blocks and getting to the business of your art. The War of Art reminds you that this is not all personal, you are the conduit for ideas: get out of your own way and do the work. Great to have on your desk and skim through to get a quick boost.
5. Choose Yourself – James Altucher
I ordered this book after reading about it in the NY Times and I was very happy I did. The book is based off of Altucher's blog and as a result, it isn't as succinct. Sometimes he goes on personal rants, but it achieves what it sets out to do: to get you to stop making excuses and make sure your art is successful. If you're unsure about self-publishing or investing in your ideas, he will give you the tools to go out there and take the risk. He also has a podcast out that I have enjoyed listening to.
6. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – Mark Manson
This one isn't geared just for creatives, but it does hammer in that message we all need to hear: stop giving so many fucks. All artists have to first create for themselves. If you're constantly worried about how your work is going to be received, you need to check yourself: your work isn't about you and your self worth. Get a hold of his concepts, let his straightforward, no-cuddles approach sink in and apply it to your art. You won't be disappointed.
Not everyone is going to agree with my list and that is quite alright. I may not agree with everything said in these books either BUT I take what does work and create my own set of principles to help guide and motivate me.
I LOVE reading new self-helpy, inspiration, whatever-you-want-to-call-them books, so please leave a comment and recommend them to me and my readers.